So drunk its hurt
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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