Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
