The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
