That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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