wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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