i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
