I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
