my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
