8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
