I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
