Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
