This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
