I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
