I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
