I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
