My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
