I puked a lego.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
