Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
