his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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