i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
