Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
