I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All the doctor said was why
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
