Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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