i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
