We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
