Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.