Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
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Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason