i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far