Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.