anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.