For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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