my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
