I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
