Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
