38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
