god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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