If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
