just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
