It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Congratulations! We have a period
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
