Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
