So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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