love makes seman taste better
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
