I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
two words: eviction party
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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