I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
