i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
