I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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