So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
