Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
