Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
