We need to rekindle our bromance
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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