when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A+ Viking dick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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