Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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