you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
