I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
