: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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