The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
