come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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