That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
