I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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