Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
