Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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