He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
