he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
