Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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