I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He passed out mid-signature
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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