Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
