k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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