i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
