sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
