HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
