Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
