if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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